I Don’t Want a Village. I Want Infrastructure.
A How-To Guide for Moms Who Are Tired of Vibes and Ready for Real Support
We’ve been told for years that the answer to overwhelmed motherhood is “finding your village.”
But if you’re reading this, you’ve probably already tried that.
You joined the group chat.
You showed up.
You made the plans.
You asked—politely—for help.
And still, you’re exhausted.
So let’s reframe the problem.
You don’t need a bigger village.
You need infrastructure.
Here’s how to build it.
Step 1: Stop Expecting Support to Appear Spontaneously
This is the first (and hardest) shift.
If support isn’t scheduled, it isn’t real.
Good intentions don’t reduce your mental load.
Reliability does.
New rule:
If it’s not on the calendar, it’s not a village.
That means:
No more “we should totally trade babysitting sometime”
No more “just text me whenever” offers
No more hoping people remember you’re overwhelmed
Infrastructure requires decisions, not vibes.
Step 2: Replace “Let Me Know” With Specifics
If you’re building infrastructure with other parents, specificity is everything.
Instead of:
“We should help each other more.”
Try:
“Can we swap childcare every other Wednesday from 4–7?”
“I can do drop-off on Mondays if you do Fridays.”
“I’m free Sundays from 2–5 if you want standing coverage.”
Specific help removes the emotional labor from asking.
It also makes it easier for people to say yes—or no—without guilt.
Step 3: Put Paid Help Back on the Table (Without Shame)
Let’s be clear: paid help is not quitting.
It’s not a failure of community.
It’s not a reflection of love.
It’s not something you need to justify.
Paid help is infrastructure.
If you can swing it—even partially—think:
A babysitter once a week
A cleaner once a month
Meal delivery during hard seasons
Childcare during work blocks, not “only emergencies”
Outsourcing doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re done pretending burnout is noble.
Step 4: Decide What You’re No Longer Managing
Infrastructure isn’t just about adding support.
It’s also about removing expectations.
Ask yourself:
What am I doing to stay “easy” or “low maintenance”?
Where am I over-functioning so others don’t feel uncomfortable?
What help am I accepting that actually costs me more energy?
You are allowed to say:
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I need something more consistent.”
“No, thank you.”
Boundaries are infrastructure.
They protect your capacity.
Step 5: Build Fewer, Stronger Systems (Not More Connections)
You don’t need more people.
You need fewer, more reliable structures.
One standing childcare swap beats five casual offers.
One paid sitter beats three flaky “helpers.”
One honest boundary beats endless resentment.
Infrastructure is boring.
But it’s what holds.
Step 6: Choose Community That Doesn’t Require Performance
This part matters.
If a space requires you to:
Perform gratitude
Be endlessly flexible
Stay pleasant while struggling
Prove you belong
…it’s not community.
It’s another job.
Real support doesn’t require auditioning.
That’s the standard we build at The Mami Collective.
No cool tables.
No hierarchy.
No pretending a group chat is a safety net.
Just real women, building real systems, so motherhood doesn’t require self-erasure.
The Bottom Line
You don’t need to try harder.
You don’t need to be more likable.
You don’t need a prettier village.
You need infrastructure.
And once you start building it, you’ll feel the difference in your body—not just your calendar.
Love you. Mean it.